I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
