just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
