1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
