there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
