The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
