Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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