I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
