I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You're earring is so big in my mouth
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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