I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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