Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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