The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
