Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
