she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
