His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
