Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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