I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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