I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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