High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
