honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
