3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
