worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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