i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
