he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
