What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
