Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
