Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
