She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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