Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
