theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Come on in and take your pants off
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