i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
