forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
