Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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