so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
