just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
