I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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