mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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