This show inspires me to have sex in space
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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