sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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