you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
