So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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