Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Someone signed my nipple.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
