how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
