you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I think my moral compass just broke
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
