I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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