Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
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