Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
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I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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