It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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