sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
