The maid of honor just puked.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
