the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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