Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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