It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
