...so i touched it.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
its liver damage thursday
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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