Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
