I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He better not be in your backpack
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
