did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
