He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
