I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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