You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
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for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
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Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
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