I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
