ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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