He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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