Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
