My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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