i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
