Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Randomize
