I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize