Are you still at the party or did I leave?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
where are my eyebrows?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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