What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
