I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
