You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
