How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm so fucking centered right now
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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