Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
