I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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