Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
