I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
i now understand why vodka
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
