if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
