Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Randomize
