i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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