Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
A bitchslap is in order.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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