I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
