i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
