____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
