just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
