Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
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His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
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I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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