he puts the penis in happiness.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
