My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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